


Love Always

by cjjade



Series: The Power of Love [1]
Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Christmas Carol Elements but also not, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Paul is not a ghost, Soulmates, Supernatural Elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-06
Updated: 2019-10-10
Packaged: 2020-11-25 15:37:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20914469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cjjade/pseuds/cjjade
Summary: Paul Coker takes a small break from the afterlife to save Ben from himself when he decides to cancel on Callum.





	1. Black, White, and…Grey

**Author's Note:**

> First ever Eastenders story, so I apologize if the characters are off. I am an American, so I sorry if I misuse any terms or use American terms. This is just an idea that hit me awhile ago, I have the first story wrote just editing it. I am in the middle of the second. I plan it to be a trilogy, but Paul and the supernatural element will only be in the first story. I also didn't really get into the aspect of heaven and hell in this story because that's not what this story;s focus is. 
> 
> Thank You Jacey for beta reading!

**Love Always: Black, White, and…Grey**

The world isn’t black and white, it isn’t good or evil there are grey areas and well grey people. Paul Coker wasn’t one of those people, he was good. His heart was pure, and wherever he went he brought that light with him. He was a beacon of acceptance and purity. He loved so completely so selflessly it was a true miracle to watch. The people above who decide these things decided he completed his goal in life. He had brought love to Ben’s life, a boy who had never experience it before. 

What Ben did after was his own doing, Paul couldn’t be to blame for his actions. That’s what they told him as Paul watched Ben crumbled and fall into one hookup after another. As he watched him slip pass Callum time after time after time. He isn’t ready for Callum yet, they would say. Paul had to watch for over three years as Ben blamed himself, never moving on never letting go. Ben had put himself in his own personal hell, tormenting himself. He’d have a comeback for why he wasn’t dating for anyone who asked but it was always a lie.

Ben was stuck in the past. He had decided Paul was the love of his life, he wasn’t good enough for more than that. Ben uses Paul and his memory as a reason not to love again, not to try again. He uses sex and alcohol to fill a void in his life that could never be filled. Paul watched brokenly as the person he loved beyond words destroyed themselves. Then it happened, he walked into The Vic just after arriving back, and Callum was there. After years of almost meeting and just being seconds too late Ben Mitchell came face to face with his soulmate.

Paul would always have someone who would say Callum isn’t ready for Ben or you may need to accept it might not happen this lifetime. Paul watched as Callum dug himself deeper and deeper into his own Narnia. It was frustrating and broke Paul’s heart. Chris was basically him. He only had eyes for Callum, and Callum wanted it. Paul watched tearfully as he fled away. Watched him with Whitney, he wanted to hit the boy. Paul had this feeling that he was in for a long ride. 

The moment they met Paul couldn’t believe it, he was so overjoyed. Then Ben had to be Ben, and if he could he would have reached through the looking glass and beat him upside his head. There were parts he didn't watch, like the night in the park. Even if he could he wouldn't have that was their moment, until it wasn’t. Everyone around him groaned, the closer it got the less people believed but Paul did. As Ben lied on the floor of the Vic Paul prayed, they wouldn’t take him yet. Ben almost lost that day, but Callum didn't give up. 

“Is he really going to wear that,” Chris frowned looking at Ben, he couldn’t hide how he felt. Chris couldn’t see how someone like Ben Mitchell was Callum’s soulmate.

“He’s nervous,” Paul defended but unable to hide his sigh of relief as he ripped the shirt off. “How is Callum doing?”

“Jay and Whitney visited,” Chris sighed, then looked at Ben as he examined himself shirtless. “Are we sure this guy is right for Halfway?”

“What you are feeling is normal,” Paul softly told Chris as he gently placing his hand on Chris’s arm. “You loved Callum, and I loved Ben, but we were never meant to be their love story.”

Paul took in a deep breath as Ben let out a groan of frustration, looking at his clock. Paul knew he needed to take action, and he needed to do it now. He knew what Ben was about to do, and he wasn’t going to let it happen. Paul could see it in Ben’s eyes. The way he looked at his finger, the way he looked over at the picture of them. Paul could feel it in the air around them. The way it sizzled of sweat, it was sour and made Paul and Chris both crinkle their nose when they appeared. 

Paul just wanted Ben happy, he wanted him to see himself as he and Callum saw him. One of the biggest misconceptions about death that he at least had was this sense of being. He thought he’d be above human emotions, but if anything, he felt more now than he did alive. He felt a lot alive. Paul would agree that he was sensitive at times emotional. Seeing Ben trying to sabotage his life was too much, Paul had made his decision. Chris had faded away, probably needing to be alone. 

Many couldn’t do what Paul was doing right at this moment, they saw the person they loved and couldn’t do it. Chris had just died he knew Chris’ love for Callum was still fresh. Paul knew that three years ago he might not have been able to do this. Watch Ben move on with someone else, fall in love with someone else, but now he could. He could because he watched Ben slip farther and farther away from the man he should be. Ben Mitchell will always be a grey area, but he’s stepping closer and closer to black. And that just wouldn’t do. 

TBC


	2. An Idiot Named Ben Mitchell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Paul takes a more direct approach

**Love Always: An Idiot Named Ben Mitchell**

There’s this idea that love can heal anything, that it’s this great power that can bind the world together. That once you are touched by true love, once it’s warm embrace wraps around you, you are forever changed. All the pain all the misery just fades away. You are no longer broken, all your open wounds heal, and you are finally a whole person again. It’s a beautiful tale, and for Ben Mitchell that’s all it was…a fairytale.

He had been touched by love once, he had felt the warm embrace. Had love fill him up so that all he felt was good and right, he had a moment where his mind was calm. When he looked in the mirror he barely knew who he was. He felt a peace he’d never known before. He felt wanted, accepted, like for the first time all the pain all the misery had been for something. Every scar, every wound, every cut, and slice of pain had been to get him there. Had been so he could find Paul, and truly understand how precious their love was. 

Then with a snap of the universe’s cruel finger it had been taken away. He was left broken, with wounds that not even time himself could fix. There had been no reason for his life, he meant nothing to no one. In those moments something would remind him of Lexi. Ben could never not smile when he thought of Lexi. She is literally the most important person in his life currently. He was trying to do everything in his power, to ensure that she only knew goodness, acceptance, happiness and most of all love. In twenty years when Lexi would be asked questions about her childhood, he wanted her to smile. But that love was different. 

Ben Mitchell knew firsthand, romantic love wasn’t a blessing it was a curse, especially if it involved a Mitchell. 

“Are you sure about this Paul,” William, a guardian asked looking at Ben with a frown. William's opinion on Ben matched everyone else. “He just doesn’t look worth the risk.”

“He’s worth it,” Paul stated coming to stand in front of William, his eyes sharp and his face like stone. With or without permission he was doing this. 

“Then you have permission,” William smiled looking at Paul, then looked at Ben with concern. “Just be careful, you can’t force him to accept the truth.”

“He’s a Mitchell,” Roxy laughed appearing next to William giving a wink at Paul. “Sometimes a little force isn’t a bad thing.”

“I repeat,” William signed closing his eyes with a groan, as he was sure if he was alive he'd have a headache. “Are you sure he’s worth the risk?”

XOXO

Ben looked himself in the mirror, could he do this? It was something simple, just two mates getting together for a casual dinner. Except one of them is cooking the said dinner, and there will probably be wine---and candles---and music. Did he and Callum like the same music or would he put on some boring generic playlist. He could imagine Callum just looking up gay music for just mates. Ben’s eyes went wide as visions of listening to Lady Gaga, Sam Smith and Taylor Swift haunted his brain. 

Jay had hinted that Callum had been asking questions all week about his preferences on food, drinks, and god even music. Jay was eating this up and probably egging it on, Ben just knew he was. How often did Jay get to sit back and watch Ben literally squirm in his seat? Callum has been acting so calm, like this meant nothing but it apparently meant something. Callum was doing in depth research, and Ben didn’t know if he could do this dating things again. Paul shook his head as Ben tried to get his hands to stop shaking. He was a wreck. 

Hooking up with random blokes was one thing. He could do that. He’d play them and let himself be played when needed because they both got what they wanted in the end. But there was always a very clear definite end in sight. Nothing was left undecided, and nothing was left open ended and lingering. Not since Paul. Hell, he didn't actually wanted a boyfriend--not really. There had been a couple of blokes that briefly caught his interest for more than a one off, and maybe one that he considered before Callum. 

Paul rolled his eyes thinking here we go again. Normally he didn’t care because he knew Callum was out there. He’d watched them almost meet a half dozen times in three years. There was no way Paul was giving up without a fight. By the time he was done, Ben Mitchell would understand Callum Highway was the future love of his life. He didn’t care how far he had to go, what rule he had to break Ben would pick Callum. He would finally grasp just how much he deserved love. 

Ben felt like a jerk. How did he tell Callum he didn’t do boyfriends or relationships after spending months basically stalking him? He had slept with him, then kept after him, even asked him out for a pint. Ben felt bad, he led Callum to believe there would be more to their relationship. Ben just didn’t do boyfriends anymore. So the question was, how does he break his heart and still keep Callum in his life?

_“You don’t,” a male voice yelled filling Ben’s room with a thunder of a sound. _

Ben looked around quickly, but no one was there. His door was closed, but Ben knew he heard someone. Opening the door no one was there, though he could hear Keanu and Louise yelling on about something. Shaking his head, he shut his door then smoothed down the wrinkles on his jeans as he walked towards the mirror again. He didn’t like these jeans, well that was incorrect he loved these jeans. These were his going out jean, the ones that helped him catch the eye of more than a few. But the top had to go. 

Ben groaned making Paul roll his eyes, he was going to have to play hard and dirty. Roxy may have been on to something, who knew better how to handle a Mitchell then another Mitchell. So Paul touched Ben’s bare shoulder making his thoughts he buried come to the surface. Suddenly Ben wondered, why did he care what he looked like?” Was it proper etiquette to look good when you meeting absolution perfection only to destroy it. Ben was going there to break a man who had literally done nothing to deserve it. Callum saved his life, saved his nephew’s life, and here Ben was about to rip his beating heart out of his chest and smash it into the ground. 

The worse part was that Callum would understand, he would just accept it. Callum understood that Paul was it for him, Paul was his one chance at true happiness. Ben looked down at his finger where Paul's name was. Closing his eyes, he could almost feel him next to him. For the first time in years he felt like he could reach out and bring him in like he used to. That his sweet spicy scent would once again wrap around him like a blanket. Opening his eyes Ben knew he couldn’t do this. He couldn’t see Callum tonight. He wasn’t strong enough for this.

_“Wow,” the booming voice laughed bitterly. “Who would have thought, Ben Mitchell a coward.” _

Ben froze, he closed his eyes trying to make his heart rate slow down. This wasn’t happening, he was not going mental. Ben knew that voice, it was the voice that haunted him every day. It was Paul Coker’s voice. But this wasn’t happening because Paul was dead. There was no logical way that Paul could be speaking to him. He was just having an episode. This was just his mind's way to trying to help him process. Looking in the mirror Ben shook his head hard, smacking himself across the cheek a few times. He would call---no text--no he owed Callum a call at the least. He’d call Callum tell him he just wasn’t feeling right. 

Because he wasn’t feeling well, for god sakes he was hearing Paul’s voice. Closing his eyes he took a deep breath, everything was okay, he was going to be fine. He had no logically reason behind this other than he was losing his mind or maybe stress. He did recall Lola once going on and on about this article. How some people started hearing voices as a way to process through some trauma they had experienced. He had been shot just weeks ago, almost dying in Callum’s arms. So trauma was a good guess. He’ll just pick his phone up, call Callum let him know he’s not doing well then rest. Ben leaned forward towards the bed to look for his phone only to see it in the hands of his very dead boyfriend. 

Paul had got permission from William to visit Ben through dreams, but he didn’t know Ben Mitchell. A nice dream or even two wouldn’t’ convince him. Ben’s mind didn’t work that way, he was pretty sure none of the Mitchell’s mind worked that way. And honestly no one could blame him. His life had been hard, harder than it ever should have been. Giving him a few happy dreams of Callum wouldn’t send him on his way to the path of true love. If he knew Ben like Paul knew he did, it would have the opposite reaction. Ben was so fixated on him being unlovable he wouldn’t listen to the message.

Paul couldn’t let Ben keep doing this, he refused to allow Ben to be tortured one more second than necessary. He’d been waiting for Ben and Callum to meet for two and half years now. So many missed chances and Ben was going to blow it--again. Paul decided consequences be damned! He was for hopefully the last time going to save Ben Mitchell from himself. He refused to be the reason Ben ends up alone and bitter or worse…like his father. Paul refused to let that happen. Callum Highway was his one true chance at actual happiness. 

“You look amazing,” Paul smiled looking him up and down. Faded tight jeans, no shirt since he had torn it off second ago. “Miss the glasses though.” 

“This isn’t happening,” Ben whispered closing his eyes tightly, then gasped seconds later as Paul’s hand came up to touch his face. Opening his eyes, he began to shake as tears started to fall. “Paul.”

“This isn’t a dream or a hallucination,” Paul promises softly, Ben nods his hand reaching forward to touch him then took it away like it stung. “It took some convincing to let me visit you. Not everyone sees what we see.”

“Visit me,” Ben repeated finally pressing his hand to Paul face again, Ben forgot how beautiful he was. It felt like time was standing still, and Ben just wanted to soak this moment up. 

“You should sit down, this could get intense,” Paul sighed pulling Ben to the bed forcing him to sit down. “I don’t have time to explain it all to you. I am sorry time will start before too long, but basically I’m here because you’re an idiot.”

Ben laughed while Paul smiled, Paul needed to make sure he touched him very little. One of the effects he would have on him by skin to skin contact was making Ben relive their happiness moments. Paul couldn’t stop himself he pulled Ben up and kissed him. He knew he was here for Callum and once he let go Ben would know that, and Callum would invade his thoughts. But he just wanted one kiss, just one more moment with him. Paul felt himself being pulled to the bed. 

For three years watching Ben had been hard. He played brave face, but watching Ben destroy his life was heartbreaking. He also knew after this he would most likely be banished from ever watching Ben again. The only reason he was allowed was because William knew he could be objective. Stopping time, so he could take Ben on a little trip through the past was not being objective. Paul moaned as Ben's hands went up his shirt, as Ben's taste invaded his senses once again. 

Ben was overwhelmed he had Paul in his arms again. Paul who was straddling his hips like he used to do, whose fingers were gently sliding through his hair. As he gently kissed from his jaw to the spot on his neck as he gently rocked forward. As Paul kissed him again Ben's mind shifted. Suddenly Callum's face entered his mind. Callum with his big hands that were rough from over a decade of life in the Army. The way he consumed Ben, he may not have much experience but he was a fast learned. Suddenly Ben pulled away, Paul looked down at him.

“I miss you,” Ben whispered lifting his hands up to Paul’s face pressing their lips together softly once more. Paul could suddenly hear his thoughts and they weren’t just of him anymore. it hit him like cold water, Callum had already marked him. “There isn’t a moment that doesn’t go by when I don’t think of you.”

“That’s not exactly true is it,” Paul smile his hands going to where his body was still healing. Ben shivered. “You think about him, your Callum Highway a lot more now of days.”

“Callum,” Ben repeated confused like he didn’t know the name. Paul leaned forward one last time to connect their lips, just one last kiss. Paul was here for Callum not for himself, and not this. Ben feels Paul get off him very suddenly. The moment Paul is off him Ben gasps as the room starts to spin, then like lightening his mind is clear. Ben sit up to look at Paul, “I don’t love Callum.”

“And that’s the issue Ben,” Paul told him extending his hand. Ben looked down at his body as suddenly he was dressed, Paul smiles softly. “I am here to help you, and that wasn’t helping. That was selfish.”

“Is this some screwed up rendition of a Christmas Carol,” Ben grumbled as the room started spinning again until he opened his eyes and saw they were in Callum’s flat.

“I’m not taking you that far in the past,” Paul promised looking Ben in the eye, Paul’s face dropped to an almost stone expression. “Because why show you that past when you are still living in it.”

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had to have Roxy make an appearance, she will always be a favorite of mine.


	3. Callum v. The Square

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Paul tries to make his point, while Callum deals with everyone's opinions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am trying to stay as canon as possible, and have changed pieces during editing as episodes have aired. I am going to try to stay canon on Callum's character but as much isn't know about his past I'm sort of going off on my own. 
> 
> Age in my head when I wrote this;  
Ben, Lola, Jay: 23 years old  
Lexi: 7 years old.  
Whitney: 26 years old  
Callum: 28 years

**Love Always: Callum v. The Square**

Looking down at his hands Callum could not get them to stop shaking, he just needed to breathe. He needed to relax. He had spent over a decade in the Army, he had seen horrors that most people could not fathom, he could do this. He tried not to think about his time in the Army, especially after what happened to Ben. Stuart like to bring it up, how he ran away from their family to play the big hero, leaving him behind. Closing his eyes, he forced the images away. Images of the blood, the bodies, and the terror mix with images of his mother. Even just thinking about her always made his blood run cold. 

If it weren’t for Mick and his grandfather he wouldn’t be who he was. His mother was just as bad maybe even worse than Jonno. At least his father was up front about his convictions and faults. At least Jonno could look Callum straight in the eyes and tell him what a disappointment he was. His mother hid behind her role as a victim, used the scars and tears to con her way into people’s lives to used them. When she was done she’d toss them aside and move on to the next scam. Callum had become numb to her over the years, finally just cutting her out of his life. Shaking his head, he didn’t need this, he needed to prepare for tonight. 

Callum had been told Ben wouldn’t show up tonight, Jay had told him multiples times every day this week. Lola warned him what state Ben would be in if he did come. Callum felt sick. He hated that everyone told him to prepare for the worst. He wasn’t trying to take Paul’s place he knew that was impossible. That was why he was downplaying this whole thing, trying to make it as impersonal as possible. He was making pizza, there was beer in the fridge, and no music at all. Nothing about tonight screamed date. He even put on whatever sporting event he could find. 

This was not a date.

Callum just wanted to spend time with Ben alone. He wanted to get to know Ben Mitchell. Whitney told him plenty so did everyone else, but he wanted to know the real Ben Mitchell. Not the rumors or the whispers, he wanted to know what made Ben tick. He was a puzzle that Callum wanted to solve. Callum just couldn’t figure him out, when he thought he started to Ben would change the game again. But looking at his watch he had this sinking feeling that Jay would be right -- Ben wasn’t going to show. 

XOXO

Ben smiled when he saw Callum fumbling around the kitchen. Sometimes it was hard to imagine Callum in the Army. In a kitchen with other soldiers sure but out doing missions, saving lives, being this big hero. Ben just assumed he’d be falling over his boots and smashing his face into walls and doors. He forgot sometimes that Callum was in the Army, that he lived this whole other life before coming to Walford. Ben would be lying if he said he didn’t imagine what Callum was like. There was a bit of mystery when it came to Callum Highway. He thought about asking Johnny a few times but when he attempted he stopped, it felt weird. 

Sometimes he’d close his eyes attempting to see Callum in his uniform. He couldn’t do it, he honestly could not see Callum Highway in the Army. That was until Callum was saving his life, holding him on the cold floor as he laid there bleeding to death. His voice steady and calm, his hands that normally were shaky were steady and forceful. Then there was saving the life of his nephew. As the story was retold to him that day it struck Ben how strange it all sounded. That someone like Callum Highway could be so cool under pressure. How a man who could barely stutter out a sentence had such a calming presence during such high tense situations. 

But then maybe that’s how it was, maybe that was part of what made Callum...well Callum. 

That Callum Highway with his goofy smile, soft voice, and easygoing attitude would be the guy that could handle the pressure that broke thousands. Ben wondered with a heavy heart sometimes what he had seen to make him this way. There in the Vic stood a man with a gun who shot one person with little remorse and proved he could easily do it again. It was Callum that rose above everyone else. Callum who kept Ben calm, his hand just as steady and firm as his voice. That when his father was losing his temper it was that stern steady voice who got Phil Mitchell to back off allowing Sonia to save his life. 

Ben can’t imagine Callum just running off into the tunnels as people including the police were yelling at him to stop. Ben laughed as he tilt his head to the side watching Callum fumble around, because maybe he could. Callum got this certain way sometimes, so focused on one thing. He had been focused on Bobby. Running down the tunnel to find him is something Callum would do. That when that train came rushing by them at full speed, he just held onto Bobby tightly. That those steady firm hands on a man who could barely cross his kitchen with falling could hold Bobby so firm, protecting his nephew from his own demons. 

“This isn’t the present,” Ben stated looking at the clock confused, this was about the time he got off work today. 

“Time has stopped Ben,” Paul laughed like it was the easily simplest answer, and he was a fool for not realizing it. “When we stop time there is no present because time is not moving. Beside I already told you, this isn’t a Christmas Carol. This is me stopping you from being an idiot.”

“Not all of us are familiar with the rules of the afterlife,” Ben grumbles softly then laughed softly as Callum hit his head on the cabinet door he didn't close seconds ago. “No grace this one.”

Ben look towards the door as someone knocked, Callum rubbing his forehead as he walked towards the door yelling that he was coming. Paul watched as Ben watched Callum. As Ben watched Callum he’d get this smile then remember he was here with Paul. Ben was uncomfortable, this was not a situation he ever planned to be in. Yet here they stood in Paul’s old flat, that was now Callum’s because he was dead. Callum who was the guy Ben was attracted to, and the guy Paul wanted him to be with. Ben didn’t know what to feel. 

Paul stood back as Ben’s eyes went to pictures. They weren’t there the last time he was here, but then Whitney had lived here. Callum didn’t want to hurt her, so he let her do what she wanted. She turned this place into a home is what he would tell people. Ben would roll his eyes when he’d hear someone say that. But now it was different, the place felt different. Ben had been told Whitney got her things, he heard because of course everyone had something to say to Callum that day. 

Ben's heart fluttered at the photos. Callum dressed in his uniform with a man, an extremely good looking, dark skinned man who was looking at Callum. There was no mistaking the look in that man’s eyes, it was love. He saw a couple of Callum and this man who ever he was. Most of them were group shots, but this man was always next to Callum. The one that stood out was them in goofy sweaters, obviously a Christmas party. The look in Callum’s eyes was full of wonder, but that man’s eyes were full of something Ben couldn’t name. It wasn’t love or lust, it was deeper than admiration, but it was there. 

He saw another photo, a woman. She was young in the photo, but Ben could see something in her eyes as well. Something sad but mainly a little twisted, he’d seen it before in people in his own family. The photo was smaller than the rest almost like an afterthought. The woman was holding a small smiling child. Ben knew that face, knew those ears—it was Callum. This had to be his mother. Then he moved to ones of Mick, Johnny, and Lee with Callum, all of them smiling. Callum looked so innocent and pure, which was something because he hadn’t changed much. Callum was innocent in some ways that Ben envied, but he wasn’t in other ways that hurt. He’d been across the globe, he’d seen war, destruction, and death in ways that scarred his soul. He’d heard Whitney mentioned his nightmares more than once. How he’d wake up in a cold sweat, screaming, disorientated, not wanting any physical contact for hours.

“Jay what are you doing here,” Callum asked in a tone that had Ben looking towards them. It wasn’t a tone Ben heard Callum use with anyone else. Callum only used it with Ben when he was being pushed into a corner. 

“I’m trying to help mate,” Jay swore softly pushing past him to go inside. Ben curiously watched Callum as his face hardening as Jay spoke. “I know my brother better than anyone else here.”

“It’s dinner,” Callum stated with a deep sigh as the door slammed shut. 

“To you it’s dinner,” Jay started needing him to understand, needing Callum to see the big picture. “But Ben hasn’t been on a proper date since Paul was alive. I just think if you are serious about Ben you should cancel tonight…you know let him come to you.”

“As I told your girlfriend, Ian, Kathy, Linda, and pretty much the entire population of Walford,” Callum started while taking a step in Jay’s personal space, his eyes sharp and his voice going lower then Ben had ever heard. “Unless your name is Ben Mitchell I don’t care what your opinion is on tonight. We are having dinner, unless Ben decides we are not.”

“I don’t want to see either of you hurt,” Jay tried again, but Ben knew Callum had won. Jay eyes were slightly wide, and he already took a step back. And damn if Ben didn’t find this side of Callum extremely attractive. 

“Noted,” Callum replied.

Ben watched Jay just stand there for a moment, probably hoping Callum would relax but he didn’t. Callum’s body was tense, he was standing up straight and had his shoulders square making himself look larger. Ben was very turned on right now, he loved when Callum got assertive. It didn’t happen a lot, Callum was sweet and funny. He helped the elderly across the street, he wasn’t the kind to dominate themselves over other people. Yet every now and then it would come out. When it did Ben ate it up, it was just too sweet not to.

Jay walked around Callum who was not moving from his spot. Callum was making sure Jay knew where he stood, he wasn’t backing down. Ben watched as Callum didn’t relax or soften his stance until the door was closed. The moment the door closed with a bang he broke. His shoulders dropped he fell against the wall hard, his head falling back as he closed his eyes to rubbed away the tears that started to fall. He remained liked that for a few moments until he pushed himself up and shook it off. Callum walked past him to the kitchen as he started to prepare the pizzas once more. Ben felt his heart not just break but shatter into a million pieces. He wasn’t shocked people told him to cancel, but had his own family really been pushing Paul as the reason. 

Ben could understand Jay’s reasoning, he was not pleased with his brother right now and they would have words...but at the same time part of him understood. Jay was doing what Jay does, he was protecting Ben. Trying to help make sure nothing bad happened, it's what they do. Jay was also trying to help out Callum, he knew Ben was about to break his heart. Ben watched Callum look at his watch, he knew by his face that Callum knew as well. Ben wasn’t coming. Ben could almost hear every single doubt that was blaring in Callum’s head. Each one got louder and louder until Ben felt sick. 

Ben watched him as Callum splashed water on his face, muttering something to attempt to calm his breathing. He looked over at Paul who looked more upset with Ben than the situation. Ben knew this would happen; this was why he was going to call it off. Callum deserved someone better, kinder; someone like Paul. Then suddenly Callum was standing up shaking his body again and once again began to finish what he was going to do. He knew Ben wasn’t going to show, he knew any second now Ben would call and cancel leaving him alone and hurting--again. But he still held on to the tiny shimmer of hope that Ben would come. 

And that hurt more.

Then suddenly the world around Ben started to fade and he started to get that spinning dizzy feeling again. He could hear singing, feel the vibrations of dancing and music, could smell sweat and beer. Ben looked around he knew this place he had been here a couple times before. Paul pointed to the bar, yup there he was drinking a beer and watching some American sporting event. This was his trip to the states. What could his one trip to the states have to do with Callum. 

He was also confused because Paul said this wasn’t about the past. This was a while ago almost two years ago in fact. He came with a mate who was here on business. Then he heard it. He turned around looking because he knew that voice. There was no way, this couldn't be real. There in the middle of a large group was Callum Highway. Callum in a ridiculous outfit and a hideous beanie that was covering his ears and obvious bad haircut. Ben turned to look at himself at the bar, then back at Callum to the point he got dizzy and needed to close his eyes. 

“So many times you two could have met,” Paul sighed sadly as they watched Callum walk towards the bar to stand right next to Ben. If one of them twisted they’d have bumped into each other they were that close. “So many missed opportunities.”

“There were other times,” Ben asked watching himself not turn as Callum ordered another drink, then watched as Callum looked at him from behind only to quickly look away as Ben looked in his direction.

“Several,” Paul told him watching as Ben got off the stool walking towards the exit as Callum watched him go as he picked up his drink. “But as they say things happen in their own time.”

“Why are you doing this Paul,” Ben whispered watching Callum force another smile heading towards his group who seemed on a different level.

“I don’t want you like this,” Paul told him harshly, needing Ben to understand. Needing to finally get through to him. “He could make you happy, complete you in a way you never dreamed. We were together so you could learn to love, for him. I wasn’t your true love story Ben…I was simply your first love story.”

“I don’t want him,” Ben snapped looking away, only to see Callum looking at the exit door with a frown, Ben's heart ached. What would have happened if they met this night. 

“Yes, you do,” Paul laugh putting his chin on Ben’s shoulder wrapping his arms around his waist. Ben closed his eyes trying be comforted but all he could think of was Callum. “You want him more than anyone you have ever wanted before or will again," Paul paused for a moment. "And that’s okay it’s what I want for you.”

Just like that they’re back in Callum’s flat, Callum walking out dressed in only a towel. Ben watched as he took a smaller towel to dry his hair, his back muscles flexing as water slide down slowly. Ben eyes following him as he moved around the room. Ben saw every scar, every imperfection, coming to the conclusion Callum was truly breathtaking. Ben didn’t miss all the scars on his shoulder, doesn’t miss the several on his back or the many that are scattered along his stomach. Ben watched his body as Callum moved, but looked away as he dressed. Which was hard with his toned skin and muscles, Ben wanted to see it all. Ben wonders if Callum still exercises or if this was how he always was. He’s seen his brother and father, they’re not fit. So Callum had to work at it, he had to do something he wasn’t naturally like this--was he?. 

He could see Callum getting up early in the morning to go for a run around the square. He could see him fixing himself one of those protein shakes or having a strict diet. Ben laughed as memories of Christian came back. He wondered what Christian would say if he came back now. Ben shook his head as images of his old crush came back to haunt him. He knew he was happily married to Syed, probably with a house full of kids by now. Paul stood back and watched Ben watch Callum. He was starting to feel weird, and Paul took that as a good sign. Maybe Ben’s auto pilot of being an idiot was starting to cancel itself out to the pull of his soulmate.

Ben smiles when Callum picks up the shirt Ben always complemented him on when he wears it. It’s the prettiest shade of green Ben had ever seen, and against Callum’s skin color the shirt made him glow. He watches him toss it aside to go for one of his ugly polo shirts. He was pretty sure it was a gift from someone who hated him, because it was repulsive and over sized. Then seconds later Callum went back for the green one biting his lower lip. He can hear Callum mutter it’s not a date, before falling face first into the bed. Ben wants to laugh and poke fun, but he literally did this exact same thing until Paul decided to hijack him for this little adventure. Moments later he rolled over to his back with a groan then stood up to hold both shirts against him again.

“I've always like that polo,” Whitney stated walking into the room trying to make her voice sound steady, but failing. Ben crinkled his face. 

“What are you doing here,” Callum asked confused as to why his ex-fiancée was standing in their former bedroom, looking around like she still lived here.

“I tried knocking but you were apparently in the shower,” Whitney explained softly, Callum giving her a look that had Ben laughing. 

“That doesn’t explain why you are here,” Callum replied finally putting on the green shirt to Ben’s pleasure. But then he frowned because he wasn’t coming over after all. “In my bedroom.”

“I heard about your date tonight,” Whitney started looking down at her hands, then back up to Callum.

“It’s not a date,” Callum snapped buttoning up his shirt a little harsher than he probably should, but he was maxed out on patience. “Ben is just coming over for dinner.”

“That’s what Mick said,” Whitney signed rolling her eyes as if she didn’t believe him. 

“Seriously Whitney what are you doing here,” Callum asked again not liking the feeling of being judged for being someone's mate. His tone was ice cold, Ben never thought he’d ever hear Callum talk to her with that tone. 

“Jay came to the Vic to ask Mick to talk to you,” Whitney explained softly Ben had never seen Callum look as angry as he did in that moment. "Mick refused so..."

“So you decided to come instead,” Callum snapped pushing himself past her, Paul smirked motioned for Ben to follow. Ben did not like his smirk, it wasn't a good smirk. 

Callum was going to snap Jay in half, he was beyond livid right now. Callum was fed up with him this week, Jay just couldn’t back off could he. To be honest it wasn’t just this week either, this overprotective _'I know Ben better I am his brother'_ attitude started after the hospital visit. Jay was the reason he didn’t know about the welcome home party Phil put together. All week Jay has been telling him to back off, take it slow, don’t rush Ben. Did Jay forget that he was the one that just came out? He was the one with absolutely no experience in the dating world. 

Ben watched Whitney follow him, watched as she watched Callum storm to the kitchen area to get out a beer. Ben could feel his anger, his annoyance but he mostly he could feel his hurt. Like he wasn’t good enough for Ben. That was stupid, everyone knew that it was Ben who wasn’t good enough. Closing his eyes he tried to push Callum’s thought out of his head, Paul was just standing there with a shrug. What was going on, why did he have to do this to him. Then he felt it, he looked over at Callum who looked better than anything he’d ever seen. Callum could love him, it was there—they could do this.

Whitney had never seen Callum this upset before. He was fuming to the point she could almost feel the negativity radiate off him, and she couldn’t understand why. Jay was trying to help him, protect him from getting hurt. She understood she really did. When you wanted something then someone tried to help make you see it wasn’t good for you, you saw them as the enemy. She had been there, and Ben wasn’t good in any way for Callum. Ben Mitchell was the type of person that liked the chase, he wanted what he could not have or was out of reach. Once he had Callum Whitney feared he would just use him then toss him. That was the Mitchell way. 

Callum had just accepted the truth, he needed time to heal and move past his brother and father. Stuart was hateful, he would not change. Callum had so much hope for his brother but Whitney knew something like that would never change. She knew that Callum needed time to heal, time to figure out who he is and that meant being alone for a while. She didn’t want Callum to define who he was by who he was dating. Ben wasn’t the type of gay Callum needed to be around. 

A Mitchell never changed. 

“Jay is only trying to look out for you,” Whitney tried again, she needed Callum to see they only wanted what was best for him.

“We are not having this conversation,” Callum told her watching her face shift to match his own.

“Ben Mitchell isn’t good for you in the state he’s in,” Whitney snapped at him, if Callum wanted to play hard she’d play hard too. She cared too much for him. “He’s never dealt with what happened, he loves Paul and he’s not ready to give that memory up. You will literally be battling a ghost for him.”

“It’s dinner,” Callum stated doing his best to hide the pain, but the rawness in his voice broke Ben. He wanted to hug him. Whitney shook her head going towards the door then stopping.

“Ben won’t come tonight,” Whitney warned him opening the door, wanting to make sure he fully understood before going. “He loves the chase, now that you’re free he’ll be on to the next one tomorrow.”

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank You Jacey, you are so wonderful. 
> 
> I swear Whitney and Jay are not the enemy, like I said I wrote this weeks ago. The final part will be uploaded tomorrow or Monday. This actually started out as a story request from Jacey and grew from there. I'll explain the request later or it will literally give away the twist in the second story.


	4. Past Goodbyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time for Paul and Ben to part once more

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Planned on posting this Sunday but Jacey recommended splitting the final chapter up, so that's what I did. So there's one more chapter coming in the next day or so. Then probably next week I'll start posting the second story. 
> 
> Thank you everyone who has left a comment and kudos, you guys rock. Really I wasn't going to post this story and took a chance  
THANK YOU!! XOXO

** Always and Forever: Past Goodbyes  **

Ben felt like he had been stabbed in his heart, he fell to the ground as Callum broke. Paul wanted to help him but he couldn't, he knew this was going to cost him. He knew William was going to have his head, but he didn't care. He watched as Ben tried to get his breathing under control but he didn't help him. Paul could, just a touch and he could ease it but Roxy was right. Paul needed him to see Callum, he needed him to know what he was doing. As Callum started to control his breathing Ben started to control his own as well. 

Callum closed his eyes as he focused on his breathing, on the sounds around the apartment. Ben watched him as with shaky hands he wiped the tears muttering to himself to calm down, he couldn't understand him but it seemed to help. Ben wanted to find Whitney and Jay. He knew they were trying to protect Callum from heartbreak. Ben tried to tell Callum he wasn't good enough but Callum just smiled and shrugged like it was nonsense. Dinner he said, nothing special and certainly not a date. "Not a date!" That was what Callum kept telling people. Ben wanted it to be, he wanted Callum, and he didn't understand it.

Ben was back in his room, yet he could still see Callum’s face like it was in front of him. He looked so lost so broken, and though Whitney and Jay caused it, Ben was the reason. Falling down on the bed he looked down at his hands then to his finger where Paul’s name would be forever. He had thought Paul was his one true chance at happiness, his one chance at true selfless love. Now he’s being told by Paul himself that’s not true. Paul who loved him so unconditionally, Paul who gave without ever asking for anything. Now he was doing it again. 

Ben stood up looking in the mirror, he went to his dresser and pulled out his glasses. It cost more than he likes to admit but now he had contacts. Paul had said he missed the glasses, his contacts were like a shield. When he wore his contacts he was different; he was what he always wanted to be. He looked so average that no one would know how blind he truly is, just like his hearing aid. It’s so tiny and hidden that unless you were looking for it you wouldn’t see it. He looked like everyone else, if he walked pass you you'd never know how broken he truly was.

Turning around Paul was just standing there, a sad smile on his face. Extending his hand out Paul took it without question. Falling against him Ben just wanted to soak up the scent of him one last time. Paul was right though Callum had invaded his thoughts. Somehow he had crept inside of him, and now those feelings were slowing growing. When he closed his eyes he didn’t see Paul’s smiling face anymore, he saw Callum’s stupid grin. At night he didn’t smell the spice of Paul, he smelt some earthy musk. 

"It's okay," Paul told him tearfully pulling away, moving his hand to wipe the tears away. Ben nod as he took in Paul one last time, from his soft eyes to his dark curls. "it's time to let me go." 

"I don't want to hurt him," Ben whispered closing his eyes, seeing Callum broken and bloody. 

"Ben," Paul sighed tiredly, and just a little fed up. "Out there right now is someone who could love you for you. Despite all you have done in your past or will do because let face it you're Ben Mitchell." Ben laughed. "He will love, support, and when needed forgive you..." Paul made sure Ben was looking at him. "Always!"

"I don't deserve that," Ben countered thinking of all his mistakes, and the idea of hurting Callum twisted his stomach into knots. 

"You do," Paul smiled cupping his face his own tears started falling. "Lexi trust him, your dad who could barely stand the sight of me actually calls him by name, and your mum, oh how Kathy adores him.”

“He’s hard to hate,” Ben mumbled looking away trying to hide a smile.

“Ben I really need you to just stop being...well you for just a moment," Paul begged making Ben look in his eyes, why did he have to be such a Mitchell about everything. 

Ben nodded, he knew Paul was right, he really did. His dad liked Callum. That in itself proved that Callum Highway was a gift that he did not deserve because his dad didn’t actually like many people. Ben would bet his soul he barely liked his own family. But somehow Callum was someone his dad could tolerate. Then he had to go and be the big damn hero Callum was, and now Phil _liked_ him. To the point he invited him over and frowned when Jay told everyone they had a client he just had to see to. Sharon even mentioned he personally thanked him, an actual thank you not just buying him a pint from across the room. 

Callum was kind, he was gentle, and he cared for Ben in a way no one had. Ben could honestly say not even Paul cared for him like Callum did. It felt different, his being with Callum. There was this tingle that sort of never went away. When Callum was close Ben felt warm, he felt safe, he felt really good. Most of the time when they were together it was like it was just the two of them. The whole world just sort of faded away. All Ben could see was Callum, and he knew Callum felt the same way. Being with Callum was different, which was why Ben was terrified. He knew he wouldn't survive if he lost Callum. 

Paul was breaking, this was starting to get harder which he knew it would. Watching someone you love no matter if it was right fall for someone else was heartbreaking. Paul wasn’t here, he couldn’t be with Ben. Ben deserved to be with his true soulmate. The one person who knew how to handle Ben Mitchell. People would say, “Paul never gave up on Ben,” but that was only half truth. Ben would push and push until Paul just rolled his eyes. It was Callum who wouldn’t giving up on Ben, who was playing this game Ben’s way right now. It was and always will be Callum Highway. And in the end, it would be Ben who wouldn’t give up on Callum either.

“You need to lie down,” Paul whispered motioning for his bed, Ben nodded as he felt twinge of something start to hit him. “Time will start any second now.”

“I won’t remember this will I," Ben yawned climbing into his bed feeling the room being to spin around him.

“Bits and pieces,” Paul sighed then laughed when Ben huffed as he tried to get comfortable.

“So what you are saying is it’ll be like a dream after all,” Ben grinned watching Paul roll his eyes.

“It’s best if you don’t try to remember, it will literally make you sick,” Paul advised watching Ben as he started to slip back into the living world, never realizing where Paul actually took him. “When you wake up you’ll have a lot of energy for a bit then it will fade. Your body will need sleep to recover, don’t fight it.”

“Sleep sounds good,” Ben mumbled as his eyes felt heavy, Paul smiled.

“Goodbye Ben Mitchell,” Paul whispered bending down to kiss his forehead. 

“Goodnight Paul,” Ben mumbled half asleep already getting a chuckle out of Paul.

“I Love you,” Paul brokenly replied as everything around them faded. 

Paul looked down as Ben started to fade, he knew William would be here soon. He hoped that they wouldn’t punish him too harshly but whatever it was it would be worth it. He watched as Ben moved back and forth as his body adjusted to being back in the land of the living and not the limbo Paul took him to. It was looked down upon kidnapping a living soul, even in dire cases. Paul laughed because no one would consider this a dire case. Soulmates and human happiness didn’t rank as emergencies to those in charge anymore, well maybe William. William was after all the youngest of the elders, and unlike them still could recalled his human life. 

Paul would accept whatever the price was because it worked. He could smell it sense it around him, Ben was letting go. Soon he’d wake up, hopefully go see Callum and they’ll be on their way to the path of true love. Chris joined him soon, gave him a sad smile. Closing his eyes Paul could still taste their last kiss. The taste of Ben’s skin from a moment ago was lingering on his lips, and Paul just wanted one moment. He just wanted this one moment to say goodbye. Chris took his hand pulling at him, he had to go. 

Paul didn’t want to go, he wanted to stay here forever he wanted Ben, but that wasn’t his story. He had said it to Chris, he had said it to William and so many others. He was Ben’s first love story, but he wasn’t his true love story. Some people are gifted in love, met the true love of their life young but Ben and Callum weren’t. Neither of them would have accepted it, neither of them had the open heart to embrace it yet. Ben needed Paul and Callum needed Chris. Sucking in a deep breath he said one last goodbye as he left with Chris. He had done all he could, from this point on it was up to Ben. 

XOXO

** _BEEP BEEP BEEP _ **

Ben opened his eyes then closed them again as he heard the most annoying sound in the entire world. He looked over to see his phone was blinking and making sounds, sounds he did not recognize. He attempted to look around his room, but everything was blurry and out of place. He could barely move his body, his worst hungover never felt this bad. As he tried to sit up the entire room spun and spun until finally he could open his eyes to realize one thing, he couldn’t see. His hearing aid was in but not his contacts, which was weird he always took them out together. 

Leaning over to the side he grabbed his black frames putting them on his face. He attempted to move but his body was hit with an intense wave of nausea. Then his phone started going off again, grabbing it he annoyingly shut it off tossing the phone aside. Why was his alarm on, who set his alarm? There is no way he used that blasted sound. Standing up he felt better, calm even. Then he felt the crunch of paper under his feet, it was a note. Falling back down on the bed he knew this handwriting--It was Paul's. “Don’t be an idiot.” Then he saw the black ink faded away as it turned into one of Lexi’s drawing. Closing his eyes it felt like he was suddenly zapped with something. 

It all came back to him, playing in his mind like a movie. Was it a dream, was he hallucinating, was he having a side effect from all the pills they had been forcing him to take? Ben did vaguely recalled Paul telling him he’d feel an energy burst but it would fade. Looking down at his phone he cursed under his breath as he jumped up realizing what time it was. He was supposed to be at Callum’s like thirty minutes ago. Jumping up going towards the door he realized he was no longer dressed. When did he take his clothes off? Was he the one that took his clothes off? 

Why would Paul do this to him? Wasn’t the whole point to get him to go to Callum’s tonight. Jumping on his bed he nearly screamed. He was in too much of a hurry that he dropped his phone behind his bed. He suddenly hears a voice telling him to calm down and relax. The voice isn’t Paul’s but it does work. Taking a deep breath he watches his hands that were shaking start to calm down, his heart rate that was out of control slows to normal. He moves his bed enough to grab the phone. He attempts to call but goes directly to voicemail which means he must be talking to someone. Quickly he sends Callum a text that says he’s on his way and he’ll explain, he only hopes he sees it. 

He felt the energy starting to come back through him. Paul really needed to explain this more because it wasn’t just him being high in energy. He felt like he was on fire right now, his entire body just wanted to move. He never recalled ever feeling like this, not even as a child. Rushing over to his clothes he started going through them trying to find his clothes from earlier. After a while he gives up because they are nowhere to be seen. He settles for a pair of faded old jeans that have seen better days and one of his plain black t-shirt.

Where were his shoes? 

“Everything okay in here,” Louise asked popping her head in slowly not knowing what she would find. “Did you need help?”

“I’m late,” Ben told her tossing everything around making a bigger mess than when he started. “I can’t find my shoes and Callum was expecting me…damn it almost forty minutes ago!”’

“Losing your temper isn’t going to help,” Louise advised softly coming into the room. Ben felt himself starting to relax again. “If you haven’t notice it makes things worse.”

“Right,” Ben mumbled closing his eyes feeling his heart rate go up and then back down again, but the energy was there. He just needed to run it off or something.

“Sharon and I move your shoes to the rack after you almost fell when you came home,” Louise explained softly, laughing when Ben nodded as if suddenly the memory came to him.

Louise left the room he couldn’t quite make out what she was saying but her tone was soft, and he could hear the smile in her voice. He was taking it on instinct it wasn’t anything important. Opening his eyes he felt calmer, the live wire energy that had been flowing through him was fading away. He was still jumpy and high strung but that wasn’t what mattered. What mattered to Ben at this moment was getting to Callum’s before he lost his chance even before it begun. Shaking off whatever energy was around him he made his way out of his room.

Jay watched as Ben made his way throughout each room extremely loudly. He watched as Louise grinned as she watched their brother as he fumbled around the house. Never in his life had he seen Ben Mitchell as ungraceful and clumsy as he was in these last few minutes. Keanu took a seat next to Louise his face must be matching Jay’s because he heard her snap “not a word” and Lola hit Jay on the shoulder with a nod. It was like the two girls were in on some great secret that neither of them knew about. 

Ben was standing up patting himself down five, six—seven times before cussing as he went back storming though the household. Lola stood up pointing next to Louise who giggled as she picked up Ben’s keys. Lola had tossed there earlier after finding them outside. Lola took them as she slowly walked into the kitchen, seeing him looking under everything. Lola knew that he had dinner plans with Callum, but she also knew that was almost an hour ago. She had spend this time listening to Jay go on about how he knew Ben would break Callum's poor heart. 

“Looking for something,” Lola smirked coming to lean against the counter as she watched him fumble around.

“What are you doing here,” Ben asked going to his knees to see if he dropped his keys when he came in after work.

“We came by to check on you,” Jay told him watching Ben’s face soften before going back to looking for his keys. “You going out tonight?”

“You know I have plans with Callum,” Ben snapped frustrated as he stood with a huff; where are his keys?

“Weren’t you supposed to be there like an hour ago,” Jay observed looking at the clock.

“Looking for these,” Lola asked jingling the keys in front of his face ignoring Jay. She smiled when Ben's face lit up like a Christmas tree. “Found them on the ground outside.”

Lola smiled widen as he took the keys from her. She took a step in front of Jay so he couldn’t stop Ben from leaving. She heard Jay grunt behind her, but they'd talk later. She knew Jay meant well, he wanted to protect not only Ben but Callum too. But in his need to protect his brother and his new mate he was stepping over a line that soon she feared he would not be able to recover from. Ben was happy, like Lola could not ever recall seeing him this happy. His eyes were shining, his smile was genuine, and he was practically skipping out of here. The only time Ben smiled like that was with Lexi. 

Walking outside he felt good, he felt free. Images of Paul came to his mind, images of Callum too. Was he dreaming, did he really get visited by Paul or was his mind playing tricks on him? Looking around he wondered if maybe he should call Callum again, he didn’t answer before but maybe this time. He felt dizzy again but this time it only lasted a moment. Looking behind him he could feel everyone watching him. Flashes of Jay and Callum talking hit him hard. Was Callum home upset, crying, or worse--was he angry. Taking a few steps forward he felt the happiness return. 

As he started to walk he felt something inside of him lift, he felt—well he didn’t know what the word was. He ignored Jay calling to him, could hear Lola yelling Jay’s name in what could only be called her parental tone. He needed to hurry he was late and he only knew what Callum was thinking right now. As he rushed down the street he wondered if maybe he should cancel, an hour was a lot of time. Or he should at least call to make sure he still wants him to come over. 

Grabbing his phone from his pocket he sighed as his finger hovered over Callum's name. He dropped the phone with a pained groaned as some sort bright light blinded him out of nowhere. Looking up he saw him. Paul was standing across the street shaking his head no. Ben gasp then yelled in fear as there was a loud bang behind him that made Ben jump, and look away. When his eyes went back Paul was gone. Dropping down Ben laughed while picking up his phone, looking up to the sky as he rushed off. This may not actually be a sign but he was taking it as one. 

“Are all Mitchells like him,” Chris grumbled still not believing someone like Ben was his Callum's soul mate.

“Come on Christopher,” William sighed with a grin watching Ben finally head towards Callum’s. Paul will be happy, and no one needs to know their part. "We’re done here, the rest is up to them."

TBC


	5. ...and so it begins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben goes to Callum's...finally

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow this part kind of grew once I split it up, and Jacey is excited and super in love with it. She's working on the first few chapters of the second story, Love Hopeful. I am grateful for everyone who left a kudos, you all have been great. I will let you know though, "Love Hopeful" does not have any of the supernatural elements this one did. It is literally about Ben and Callum's relationship.

**Love Always: ...and so it begins**

Ben was late, like super late. Looking down at his watch he cursed under his breath as he nearly ran over a few people as he made his way towards Callum’s. Paul had been right, the longer he was here the more his experience began to fade and the more he began to dwindle in energy, but he couldn’t stop. What he didn’t forget was the broken look on Callum’s face as Whitney left. Part of him wanted to find her so they could have words, but he couldn’t blame her. 

Callum had been hers and then Ben came along. The moment they met Ben felt it, the spark, the need to know him, have him. There had just been something about him that pulled Ben in from the start. Then their night in the park happened. To say it was intense was an understatement. No one had ever gotten under his skin that quickly. It was like there was some invisible tether between. Coming to his building Ben felt his stomach drop. He was over an hour late, and Callum still hadn’t looked at his text. Either he climbed into bed or he was ignoring Ben—or he went out. 

The idea of Callum out tonight put a sour taste in his mouth. To many men out there like him. They would spot his sad face and broken heart, after a quick look around they’d swoop in and exploit it to their pleasure. Ben had played the game long enough to know. He could just imagine Callum sitting there blushing at the attention as some random bloke ate it up. Ben felt himself getting angry as he stomped up stairs trying to remind himself this was a hypothetical situation. There were no other men—yet. 

Ben felt the gnawing feeling in his stomach grew as he could not hear any sounds coming from Callum’s flat. Ben knocked lightly holding his breath trying to get his nerves to calm down. This was Callum there’s no way he would go out. Then visions of their night together popped into his head. He knocked again louder as the memory of that night played over and over again in his mind, but still he heard nothing. He knocked a third, a fourth, then a fifth time until the sixth time he was banging so loud he was certain people outside could hear. 

Ben let out a shaky breath of relief as Ben heard movement inside the flat. He could hear banging and yelling, so he gave another hard knock trying not to smile when he heard what sounded like Callum throwing something. He clearly did not want to deal with people, probably assumed it was Jay or Whitney checking on him. Then faster than Ben expected the door swung open in the angriest fashion that Ben had ever seen to Callum yelling “WHAT.” Ben took a step back wide eyed while Callum just as quickly turned the prettiest shade of red he’d ever seen on a person. 

“I know I am late,” Ben started out watching Callum look him up and down like he didn’t believe Ben was standing in front of him. “After my shower I apparently fell asleep, then woke up like twenty minutes ago not being able to find my clothes or my shoes then I guess I dropped my keys and Lola had them.” Ben’s voice going shaky and broken with each word. “I tried calling then sent you a text...”

“I forgot to turn my phone back on,” Callum groaned closing his eyes as he smacked his head into the door, Ben laughed. Callum looked up to give him a soft smile, then tilted his head to the side in awe. “Are you wearing glasses?”

“Why did you shut your phone off,” Ben asked ignoring his question walking into the flat looking around to see that everything looked how it did during his…spiritual quest…journey…hallucination?? 

“No reason,” Callum assured him brushing it off going towards the kitchen nervously. Ben noticed his clothes, his very relaxed lounge clothes with his messy fluffy hair and red eyes. Ben made him cry.

“Callum,” Ben mumbled watching him turn around quickly, god Ben was not feeling right. This was way more intense then he thought it would be. “We need to talk.”

Callum nods, as he starts to feel his stomach sink once again, and he had been feeling so hopeful. Ben looked nervous right now, he had never seen him look like this before. Callum had gotten too distracted by the sight of him. Ben looked so casual and at ease, which wasn’t common. Callum didn’t want to admit how much he enjoyed seeing him in his glasses. It was like seeing a new layer of Ben Mitchell. A side of Ben that he’d like to get to know more of. Callum tried to keep a smile on his face as he slowly walked towards where Ben was now sitting. He could do this, they could be just mates. 

That’s what he kept telling everyone wasn’t it, this had been just dinner. He liked Ben, though at times he didn’t know why but he truly did. Well that wasn’t exactly true Callum knew why he liked Ben or at least why he was attracted to him. Ben was at his core a force of nature. Callum’s head screeched “danger danger abort abort,” while loud sirens and flashing lights went off at an erratic speed. Yet it was like once Callum got into Ben’s orbit that wasn’t an option anymore. The lights and sounds in his head just faded away until all he heard was Ben’s smooth voice. Callum drove straight for Ben not caring that he was about to crash land. 

Callum wanted Ben to want him, but all the signs were there. Ben just wasn’t interested. Despite what he kept saying out loud part of Callum had hoped this was a date or at least would open the door for a future date. But if this had meant anywhere near like it did to Callum, Ben wouldn’t have fallen asleep. _Right?_ He was recovering from a gunshot wound. Plus, he did run all the way over here looking quite frantic and worried. Callum internally shook himself, he would not get in his own head. Callum would sit here, he would listen, and he would respect Ben’s choice. 

Ben watched Callum closely, he wore an expression that could only be described as a poker face. There was no emotion behind it despite the smile on his face. The smile lacked the usual genuine emotion he associated with Callum Highway. 

Ben noticed right off that Callum had been playing some online game, though he didn’t exactly recognize it. Then again that didn’t really mean much though. Ben liked gaming. It was a great way to relieve stress, but he didn’t really do many online games. He preferred single player games on the console. That way he could lose himself in a game but never had to worry about other players or interacting with people. He and Johnny would play together every few weeks, but neither of them were dedicated to the game. Truth be told they got a bigger kick out of the hardcore players failing, and the tantrums they threw then the actual game. 

Paul wasn’t into gaming, when Ben tried to get him to play any sort of game Paul just rolled his eyes. As Ben played Paul went on to something else, something that he enjoyed. Ben watched as Callum quickly picked up the area apologizing for the mess, but Ben liked it. Callum was always so put together, so reserved, that seeing him here at home made him more real. Especially seeing him in joggers, an old faded shirt with a few small holes, and his fluffy hair sticking every which way. Out of nowhere Ben felt it start, he was tired. He could feel it wash over him, he shook his head as his head started to feel fuzzy. 

“I had a dream of Paul,” Ben started out softly, he watched Callum soften but not by much. He had his guard up tight, and Ben couldn’t blame him. Callum waited for what he knew was going to come, but he couldn’t fault Ben. He was just grateful Ben respected him enough to do this in person. “You ever been to the states?”

“Once, a group of us went to this music festival in Colorado because our mate, Sam, had family there,” Callum answered unable to hide his confusion, but began to notice Ben looked distant like he was trying to recall an old memory. “Are you okay?”

“I don’t know,” Ben mumbled moving his glasses aside to rub his eyes, the room would not stop spinning. For the first time he realized he had kept his glasses on. “I’m still in my glasses?”

“Ben, you are starting to scare me,” Callum admitted softly moving his hand to touch Ben’s face gently, taking in how exhausted he looked. “You didn’t have to come over if you weren’t feeling well.”

“Did you ever go to a bar there,” Ben inquired as images of Callum popped into his head. Ben recalled being there. Remembering how he lost himself that week, going from one bar to the next. Once they heard his accent it was so easy to get lost in whoever caught his attention. “It was like walking into one of those old saloons. The place smelled like stale beer, greasy food, and...”

“Joe’s Tavern,” Callum guessed watching Ben eyes go so wide as he nodded. Paul told him not to think too much about it. Was that why he was sick now? “We hit it our first night there, one of Sam’s cousins worked there as a bartender.”

“I saw you,” Ben whispered watching Callum turn pale as he tried to recall the night. “You had this hideous hat on, like the ugliest color…it uh was way too small for your head. It definitely didn’t go with that repulsive multicolor sweater you had on.”

“Why didn’t you ever say...” Callum stuttered shocked, closing his eyes to try and pinpoint that night.

“I didn’t remember until today,” Ben confessed in a broken whisper, rubbed his face with a laugh. “I’m a mess.”

Callum tried to remember that night, tried to recall every single little detail he could. From the beers they drank, to the shots they took, to the group of girls who came over all flirty and with the illusion of innocence. He recalled a few of the guys in the group next to theirs starting to diss him. No wonder no one was shocked when he came out to them, they’ve probably known for years. Maybe even since they met him. 

Callum recalled the need for more alcohol as he watched some red head flirt excessively with Chris. He had been fine until she touched his arm as Chris leaned in to say something that had her giggling. He did recall a guy at the bar, noticed him when they walked in. Callum walked a little extra to stand next to him. Watched him as the said man watched the sporting event they had playing. Then moments later watched him leave as the man’s eyes were on his phone. He went back to his group but now did recalled looking back at the seat then the door. He had been hoping the stranger would come back but then Chris appeared. 

After a few minutes Chris asked if he wanted to leave. Chris hadn’t wanted to come out in the first place, but Sam insisted. He rarely got to see his American cousins. It’s why Sam loved the holidays as a child, it was the one time of year they all got together. He and Elle were literally born minutes apart, always called twins by their family. Sam was four weeks premature while Elle was five days late, born across the globe from each other. So Callum drug Chris out because it was important to Sam, and Callum liked being apart of something. Lee had been his only friend growing up, so it felt good having people who looked to him. 

Callum recalled giving his beer to another of Sam’s cousin who cheered him. Chris made an excuse, Sam laughed knowingly going off about weird looking meat. Then they were off after saying their goodbyes, the red head not hiding her pout as Chris left with Callum. Closing his eyes Callum remembered a voice outside, a voice that now haunted him daily. Chris was going on about something, he couldn’t remember what. There was that voice, Callum was pretty sure he had been on the phone. He could hear Ben in his head now laughing. Going on about how it wasn’t that early where he was, his voice soft almost sweet so it must have been Lexi on the other side. 

Then Chris pulled him along with a laugh as he realized Callum had zoned out. Callum started laughing too, as he realized Ben must have looked at him. Not that it would have done any good, he only saw Chris back then. Thinking of what Chris would have done if Ben started flirting made him snicker. They were sharing a room Chris had made an excuse but that’s all it was. Chris hadn’t wanted to come, wanted to go anywhere else but a chilly damp music festival. It ended up being a blast one of his best memories until they got back and his harsh reality hit. 

“You know I don’t expect anything from you right,” Callum softly told him looking down at Ben’s hand where Paul’s name was inscribed. Ben felt a tug at his heart, he was just too pure to exist. 

“I care about you," Ben stopped for a moment. "In a not just a mate kind of way,” Ben admitted watching Callum smile shyly looking away, and Ben wanted to see that smile on his face every day. “So…I was thinking if you don’t mind taking things slow, I’d be interested in seeing…what I mean is…I’d like to see maybe…possibly…” Ben groaned frustrated. “Damn I suck at this.”

“You are doing fine,” Callum grinned not able to hide this wasn’t where he thought this conversation was going. “I wouldn’t mind at all, in fact if you are willing maybe we could go for that pint sometime.”

“I’d be willing,” Ben tells him gently, he wants to be flirty but he’s just so tired, and his brain is going fuzzy again.

“But first how about we get you home,” Callum says as he goes to stand, laughing when Ben groaned leaning back shaking his head no. Ben didn’t want to deal with Jay right now, and he knew he was waiting. “Did you want me to reheat some pizza for you.”

“Pizza sounds nice,” Ben mumbles smiling softly at Callum, who looks just perfect. This feels nice. 

Callum smiled as he walked over to preheat his oven, he couldn’t quite explain what he is feeling right now. He thought if Ben did show up it would be awkward pizza while they watched some sports neither of them liked or maybe a horribly bad movie that didn’t scream “DATE!” He never dreamed that Ben would want to have this conversation tonight. He looked over to him to see he looked a little better, he was sitting up again. His face that had gone pale looked to have more color, and his eyes seemed alert. Callum looked away just assuming it was because of nerves. 

Callum did have to admit it was strange to think he and Ben were in the same bar almost two years ago. They were literally right next to each other, just one move and they’d have met. Callum smiled wondering if Ben would have flirted with him. He couldn’t imagine what he would have done if he had. He knew Chris would have noticed Chris always noticed things like that. Whenever a girl came over to him Chris would be right there in seconds. Most of the time he was grateful. What he wouldn’t do for just one more moment with him, even if it was just to say goodbye. 

Shaking his head, he didn’t need to be thinking of Chris right now. He finally was living his life openly and now it seemed he had Ben. Beside Ben wouldn’t have flirted with him he had it clear how he thought he looked back then. Looking down at himself now he couldn’t stop the frown from coming. Chris had got him that hat and sweater, he still had it packed away in his closet. He doesn’t wear it because--well it smells like Chris. Whenever he got it out to wash it, he could smell Chris’ cologne right away. The memories of what could have been plague him, and he’s stuffing the sweater back in the box. He was a coward.

“What’s wrong,” Ben asked coming to stand next to him slightly worried, Callum looked like he saw a ghost. Ben takes a step towards him when he doesn’t speak. “Callum?”

“Do you think you would have flirted with me,” Callum asked gently as he put the pan in the oven, turning to look at Ben with a smile. “Despite my hideous sweater and big head?”

“Definitely,” Ben admitted with a smirk. Callum giving him a look that had been laughing. “I would have said hello, you would have blushed like you do and that would have been it for me. I wouldn’t have left you alone for the rest of the night.”

Ben laughed as Callum turned that pretty shade of red he did earlier. Ben could almost image flirting with him. He could see himself turning around, smiling at Callum smirking as Callum turned away. He could imagine them chatting about being in the states for a holiday. Though his was more business he wouldn’t have told him that. Ben could see himself buying Callum a drink, watching as he stuttered a thank you. He could see Callum’s friends laughing as they watched, then Chris coming over to “save” him. Ben could see it all. 

Neither Ben nor Callum thought about how much of a disaster it would have been, they both kind of liked the fantasy aspect of it all. The idea of meeting in a strange bar at a different time, no strings, no regrets, no girlfriend or family around. Callum wanted to kiss Ben in this moment but he agreed to go slow, so that’s what he was going to do. Soon the pizza was good to eat, Callum smiled as Ben admitted he’d like to watch him play his game. Kicking off his shoes and socks, hanging up his jacket Ben settled in to watch Callum. 

Honestly Ben was just happy to be out of his family’s way tonight. Everyone kept watching him like he was going to fall apart. Jay kept making digs about Callum. Ben had assumed they were because he was getting a kick out of watching him squirm but now Ben knew it wasn’t. Tomorrow he and Jay would talk, he would get him to apologize to Callum. Then maybe he’d talk with Whitney, set the record straight--so to speak. Callum was a good person, he made a few mistakes sure, but he didn’t deserve this. Ben knew they meant well, but everyone just needed to stop pretending they couldn’t make their own decisions.

Callum asked Ben a few times if he wanted to try but Ben shook his head with a laugh. Callum was serious about his gaming, like he had multiple characters that he had probably spent hundreds of hours on. Callum gaming was like nothing Ben had ever witness before. Callum Highway was competitive, way more so than Ben ever dreamed. Watching Callum play was like seeing a new layer that he never dreamed existed. 

Ben legitimately could envision Callum staying up until the wee hours or even until dawn on one of those raids he heard so much about. He could imagine Callum screaming into his headpiece when someone made a silly _“amateur”_ mistake that blew their entire mission. It was clear from here that Callum was the one in charge. It greatly amused Ben watching Callum use his growl stern voice to talk to someone in the game, then would go all sweet calm voice with him. 

Callum turned over to ask Ben if he was sure that he didn’t want to just watch a film, when he noticed he was asleep. Ben was curled up against Callum, his breathing had evened out and he looked so calm and peaceful. Callum tried waking him up, but Ben just cuddled closer to him folding himself into a ball. Callum’s heart just exploded with warm feelings. Ben did look tired, and he knew Ben was still recovering, it was almost like forty minutes from being midnight. Lola answered the phone, she agreed that Ben staying would be the best thing. Louise had told her Ben had been having nightmares, so he only slept a little these days. 

“Ben,” Callum said softly coaxing him to open his eyes slightly, when he did Ben looked so young. His eyes were glossy, unfocused, and looked heavy. “Come on let’s get you to bed.”

“I’m not sleepy,” Ben slurred closing his eyes, his voice sounding like that of a child’s. Callum laughed, as images of Lexi flashed before him.

“You don’t have to go to bed,” Callum replied trying not to laugh while helping him stand up. “Just come lie down for a bit.”

“I want to stay with you,” Ben mumbled but didn’t stop Callum from dragging him along to the bedroom.

“I’ll join you once I am done cleaning up,” Callum promised, he watched as Ben look down at himself then to Callum. “Did you need help?” Callum bit his lower lip to stop the laughter as Ben shook his head side to side excessively to say no. 

Callum walked out of the bedroom trying to hold in his laughter but he couldn’t any longer. He knew that he was off the pain meds for a few days now, so that wasn’t an excuse. Callum wondered if this was just sleepy Ben Mitchell, he could definitely get used to it. Callum also knew that Ben was overly tired. He looked exhausted from the moment he sat down when they had begun their talk. Popping his head back in the room he bit his lower lip. He walked back in to grab some clothes for him to change in to, but Ben shook his head no. 

Callum helped him undress, noticing how wobbly he was. Guiding him to the bathroom he got out one of the extra unused toothbrushes Whitney kept for when people stayed over. Callum smiled, Ben seemed more alert right now than he did a few minutes ago but his eyes kept dropping. Soon they were done brushing their teeth, Callum led him back to the bed, taking his glasses first putting them on the stand beside the bed. Helping him climb in the bed Callum tucked him, smiling softly as Ben mumbled a goodnight. He watched as he cuddled into the pillow as Callum kissing him on the forehead. After watching him for a few moments he went off to the other room to lock up and wait for Lola. 

Looking around this definitely wasn’t how he thought his night would end. Especially after Ben had not shown up on time, but life with Ben Mitchell will never be boring. Callum looked around the room, something felt different. Like he couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but the room felt---he didn’t know exactly how to put it into words. Shrugging it off he figured it was just in his head. Ben was asleep in his bed; everyone had been wrong. Callum felt free, he felt like he could take on anything. Shaking his head Callum decided not to over think this, he and Ben still had a long road to go. 

Callum looked at his door as there was a knock thinking “finally.” Lola had stated she wanted to bring a few of Ben’s items over, which Callum found strange. Ben was known for his hook ups, but then Callum could honestly say he didn’t know if he stayed over. Or if they stayed over at his place. Callum hadn’t, but hell to be honest they hadn’t moved beyond his car, which now made Callum blush. Walking to the door he rubbed his eyes; he was tired. He had switched from his game to some international housing show that he honestly wasn’t paying attention to. It was hard when he knew Ben was asleep in the other room waiting for him. 

“Jay,” Callum stated trying to force a smile on his face, but he was just too tired, and it was just too late. Jay just stood there looking at Callum. “It’s 11:53 in the evening, what can I do for you?” 

“I’m here to pick Ben up,” Jay stated calmly, then hissed as Callum heard the smack of skin.

“You are not,” Lola sighed pushing him out of the way, then smiling a sweet smile held up a bag. “Clean clothes in the middle, contacts and eye drops on the right side, and hygiene on the left.”

“Thank you,” Callum smiled accepting the bag from her. “I am sure he’ll appreciate it.”

Jay wanted to say something, he wanted to explain himself to Callum but then he was being pulled. He had meant this as a joke, he was trying to lighten the mood. He was trying to protect his brother and his friend who was also his coworker. Now he knew that maybe in his pursuit of that he overstepped a line. As he was being pushed down the stairs by Lola who he could tell was not pleased. Looking up he saw that Callum was shutting his door, and made a mental note to talk to Callum tomorrow. 

As he closed his door, he could hear Jay trying to explain he was trying to make a joke, Callum shook his head. He’d talk to Jay tomorrow. He was just too tired to deal with this tonight, or maybe he’d talk to Ben about it. Walking in he tossed the bag aside. Maybe there was more of a reason jay was acting this way. He had mentioned some guy in the past, someone Jay thought he’d get with. Jay had gone on about how they almost dated but something always stopped them. Jay never mentioned a name so Callum just shrugged it off.

Turning off all the light he finally entered his bedroom. There he saw Ben still fast asleep cuddled up against his pillow. Watching Ben sleep Callum felt a warmth inside of him stir, he could do this forever. Ben looked so at peace, so innocent. Something he knew no one here in Walford would ever say in the same sentence with a Mitchell, especially Ben Mitchell. Callum wondered what people thought when they saw Ben with Lexi. He was so gentle with her. When it came to his daughter there wasn't a thing Ben wouldn't do to see her smile. The first time he saw them together it touched him in a way he never recovered from. Callum knew without a single doubt that Ben would move heaven and hell for her. And the way Lexi looked at Ben, it was clear to see he was her superhero. 

Callum slipped off his joggers tossing them aside, then quickly picking them up. With how wobbly Ben was tonight he didn't want to risk him getting hurt. Jay mentioned how he fell three times his first week home from items on his bedroom floor. Taking off his shirt he looked down then put it back on, letting out a groan he took it off again. He turned off the lights and starred at the bed for five minutes wondering if he should just go to the couch. Then he heard Ben toss and turn around in the bed lifting his head up before giving a sleepy hopeful grumble of Callum's name. Callum smiled deciding the decision was made for him.

Shushing him softly Callum climbed in bed under the covered. He sighed contently as Ben shifted closer to him, sighing as he took in Callum's scent kissing his shoulder. Closing his eyes he felt more than heard Ben let out a sigh of relief. Putting his head on Callum's chest, Ben draped his body over Callum entwining their bodies as one. Callum laughed dropping down to kiss the top of Ben's head as he felt him go completely lax within minutes. Callum felt his own body start to follow Ben's lead, as his fingers automatically played with Ben's hair. Ben was warm, and his scent was like nothing Callum had ever encountered. He couldn't quite put a name to it, but it was soothing. Soon his own eyes felt heavy while his body felt light, warm, and just so comfy. For the first time in Callum's life, he felt utterly completely safe. 

They didn't quite know what tomorrow would bring but right now Callum did not care one little bit. Right now the only thing he cared about was the man who was currently clinging to him like he was his life line. Callum's last thought were of Ben Mitchell, and how for once things actually worked out in his favor. 

The End

**Author's Note:**

> I am very much a fan of Jay and Whitney, and wrote this the weekend after Ben was shot. So know that no they're not going to be an issue, they're just protective right now. My beta was worried so figured I'd point that out lol.


End file.
